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Last seen online: 2011-10-19 03:35:01

View all of iceh2o's blog posts

Best Poker one liners

17 2007-11-10 07:49:11

Okay railbirds...

Here is your chance to share your favorite poker related "one-liner."

It can be your own or something you heard on TV, etc.

Here is one I used once in a game with a donk who finally tried a lame bluff and I spanked him good.  After he showed his pocket 2 6 os, as I collected his chips I asked him,

"When you went to the ugly card store, did they have to special order that hand for you?"


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The River giveth and the River taketh away!

2007-11-10 12:49:11


Those are some good ones.

2007-11-10 12:49:11


Another favorite I heard was:

"A Smith & Wesson beats four Aces."

2007-11-10 12:49:11


LMFAO! Good one! I will use it!

2007-11-10 12:49:11


my favorite one to use is when someone is talking smack about how good their game is and then i get to take them out and they still talking junk, i just type in Class Dissmissed and that usually stops them LOL

2007-11-10 12:49:11


Oh and phil helmouth's ramblings don't count as one liners

That's not fair, his are the best:cool:

2007-11-10 12:49:11


I'm to tired for a comeback but I will pick the one IceH2o put up! LMAO!

2007-11-10 12:49:11


I think everyone's pretty much seen it:

Doyle Brunson to Antonius, after calling his all-in on A2 with 33 and being asked "How he can call with that?', Doyle replies "How can you make that bet with that? This is poker, son, not solitaire..."

Also, at our pub games here in Lismore, final table heads up is now announced by the TD as "...and then there were Muppets..."

2007-11-10 12:49:11


Oh and phil helmouth's ramblings don't count as one liners

2007-11-10 12:49:11


(Dont get mad at me girls.) I was playing at a home game and there was this one girl that had big breasts (They were at least D's and she was skinny!...lol.) Anyways, on one hand she was taking her time pre-flop and then raised pretty big. Thats when one guy looked at her and said " HOLDING A BIG PAIR? ". We laughed so hard! I know it was rude but it was the funniest thing i've ever heard playing poker. I'd never say it to someone but she wasn't the type of girl to get mad. I pretty sure she was using them to get an edge.

2007-11-10 12:49:11


Good one threesover...

I had a similar situation, so I just said,

"Shhh... Please be quiet while I'm stacking your chips."

2007-11-10 12:49:11


ummmm....what exactly did you think you had?

or when some one decides to play pokertard pingo (going all-in pre-flop)
Srtaight flush? or just an outrageous over bet

or when the table is playing in super slow motion
"Why are we playing so s   l   o  w  l  y? Just waiting for the blinds to grow HUGE and screw us all? I mean come on
its FOLD CHECK or BET EVERY TIME   no long division   no codes to crack  just pick and click"

Nice hand ......to bad it was holding such crappy cards

When someone says they would have won the hand because they folded whatever cards after the fact
"So you had the chips and the cards just not the nuts huh?"

"70 million decks of cards sold a year, 2,598,960 possible poker hands per 52 card deck and I get dealt these rags,.....again......lol"

and finally my most often used one liner
"Glad I folded like a lawn chair"

2007-11-10 12:49:11


One tall cute brunette (thats me!) and a table full of men-one loud mouthed ass across from me. I finally got a chance to go heads up with him, my favorite red pocket ladies beat his NOTHING-which he proceeds to bitch about! As I lean forward to scoop his chips up and bring them to me I ask with a serious face, "Does your wife know your MY bitch now?" Funny, he didn't want to buy back in...I wonder why??? ;)

2007-11-10 12:49:11



Great one GWD

2007-11-10 12:49:11


how's this one.................
"poker sucks"

2007-11-10 12:49:11


"Man after watching you play that hand we are all just a little bit dumber now!"

"Seriously, after that hand you should wear a helmet while playing!"

"Don't buy back in! Just give me your money, I'll kick you in the nuts and save you some time!"

2007-11-10 12:49:11


when i take out a donk i like 2 say

ty come again lol

2007-11-10 12:49:11