"Uncle Junior fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days."
"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about just cutting them down? Maybe...if they screamed all the time, for no damned reason." - Jack Handey
"He was a man who wasn't afraid to cry...he loved small dogs, owned several cats, understood Monet and listened to Opera. A sensitive man, he was always in a "hugging mood". I guess this is what made me avoid him at all costs..." RansomHammer
In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot. ~Mark Twain, Notebook, 1935
“It's easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline when you're a winner, when you're number one. What you’ve got to have is faith and discipline when you're not a winner." Vince Lombardi
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"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about just cutting them down? Maybe...if they screamed all the time, for no damned reason." - Jack Handey
La Bruyere
Boobie Bump