Ok the following I may or may not agree with.....But either way I thought they were funny...I mixed them up so both sexes would enjoy.....So Enjoy
Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So oxygen can get to their brain!
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
Men are like linoleum: Lay them once right and you can walk on them for the next 20 years.
How many men does it take to open a can of beer?
None, it should be open when she brings it to him.
Men are like coolers: Load them with beer, and you can take them anywhere.
What have you done wrong if your wife walks into the living room and slaps you.
You have left the chain to long.
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
If your dog was barking at the back door and your wife was knocking on the front door, who would you let in first?
The dog, because at least he would shut up once he was in.
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God was talking to Adam and Eve one day just before Creation. He asked, "Well, you two, I only have a couple more goodies left to hand out before my job is done.
Which one of you wants to be able to pee standing up?"
Adam raises his hand and yells "Me, Me, pick me!!" So God obliged.
God looks at Eve and says - "Well, sorry Eve...but it looks like you're stuck with the multiple orgasms."
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Men say = Men really mean
I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired = I'm tired.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.
What's wrong? = I don't see why your making such a big deal about this.
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?
I love you. = Let's have sex now.
I love you, too. = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together. = I am gay.
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1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early Bird'
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A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.
"We have five floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
They start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor, where the sign reads, "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
On the fifth floor, they find a sign that reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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One day The Lord spoke to Adam. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said.
Adam looked at The Lord and replied, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you, one is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."
So I hoped you all got some giggles....GL and I hope the rest of your Sunday is Great
© Copyright 2009
6 comments
Very nice read there!