THE CHINESE DETECTIVE
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop.
A few days later, he received this report.......
Most honorable Sir,
You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree, look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. Fall out of tree, not see.
No Fee.
HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW?
Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret.
"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."
Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily.
Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress.
"So," he asked, "Any luck with your tomatoes?"
"No," she replied excitedly. "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!"
CONDOM SLOGANS
1) Cover your stump before you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) If you go into heat, package your meat
10) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
11) Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
12) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
13) If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
14) No glove, no love
15) Encase that torch before you paint her porch
16) Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound
17) It's always funky to cage your monkey
18) Don't be a fool cover your tool
19) Can your worm before you squirm
20) Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel
21) House your noodle then release your strudel
22) Sock that wanger before you bang her
23) While you're undressing Venus, dress up your penis
24) Wrap that tool to catch the drool
THE PROSPECTOR LIMERICK
An old desert rat named Burdew
Came to town one day for a screw.
He threw down a quarter
And drawled out, "That orter
Cover a quick poke or two."
The madam looked very askance
At the grime on his shirt and his pants,
His scruffy gray beard,
The eyes that went weird,
And the odor that wasn't from France.
"Ol" fella," she said with a grin,
"For a quarter, I'll let you right in
To a room that's just ripe
For a man of your type
And a gal that's ideal for your sin."
The prospector's eyes went aglow
As the fire began burning below.
His hands started shaking
And his knees were aquaking.
It was plain he was rarin' to go.
So they led him out back of the place
To a shed with just enough space
For the fattest pink sow,
He'd seen anyhow
With a sorta' sweet smile on her face.
Burdew shoved everyone aside,
Slammed the door and was quickly astride
His porky delight
Where he spent the whole night
In a passionate piggyback ride!
At daybreak, Burdew poked his head
Out of the tumbledown shed
With a satisfied sigh,
He said, "Miss Piggy and I
Will be having our breakfast in bed."
© Copyright 2009
7 comments
Lol where do you find these !!!