Redneck Love Part 1...

It may be Redneck Love if...

You propositioned the reverend's wife.

Any of your fantasies involve Wal-Mart.

You had to take gum out of your mouth to kiss the bride.

You think hors d'oeuvres are those girls at the intersection downtown.

Your wife would rather fish off the bridge than shop for clothes.

You whistle at women in church.

You think disposable diapers are an appropriate wedding gift.

Any of your children were conceived at a traffic signal.

You give your marital status as "often."

You met your wife through the personal ads in Bowhunter magazine.

You think a sex change means trying the backseat.

Two of your weddings made America's Funniest Home Videos.

You took your honeymoon photos to Show-and-Tell.

You've ever lost a wedding ring in a poker game.

You learned the facts of life by watching dogs.

Proposing to your wife included the words "when I get out."

Winn-Dixie catered your wedding.

Your mother genuinely admires your girlfriend's tattoos.

You've ever had to move a baby seat to make love.

You practice "safe sex" by putting on the emergency brake.

You've ever used lard in bed.

You've ever opened a beer while making love.

The stripper at your bachelor party was your fiancee.

You've used food stamps on a date.

You delayed your wedding because of hunting season.

You taped WWF wrestling over your wedding video.

Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

Your wedding reception was a tailgate party.

Your wife sleeps on the couch every time you eat at Taco Bell.

You go to the laundromat to pick up women.

Some of your wedding gifts came from a flea market.

You and your wife compare beer bellies.

You consider dating second cousins to be "playing the field."

You've ever lost your wife in a poker game.

You honk your horn during love scenes at the drive-in.

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

Your wedding invitations say, "Same time, same place."

You honeymooned in the pop-up camper in your parents' backyard.

You've ever slow danced in a Waffle House.

You've ever used a duck whistle to call your wife.

Your wedding colors were hunting orange.

Your wife has a drip-dry wedding gown.

You keep a spittoon near the bed.

You've ever bought a wedding ring at a yard sale.

You had to postpone the wedding night because the feds were on the porch.

You knocked a hole in the bedroom wall during a romantic moment.

You first saw your wife on an Internet video.

The bride's bouquet had some poison ivy in it.

You use Saran Wrap when you practice safe sex.

You proposed to your wife at a dirt bike race.

The bride wore coveralls to the wedding.

You met your wife when your kids set you up with their truant officer.

You got bitten by your dog during a romantic moment.

Any of your wedding gifts came from the Army Navy store.

You had to chase the cats away from the house on your wedding night.

You saw Deliverance in a sex ed class.

You have to air out the bedroom after a romantic night.

The bride had a liquor flask hidden down her cleavage.

The bride's relatives brought a gun to the wedding.

You've ever told a woman you were a gynocologist.

The bride's relatives brought a bluetick hound to the wedding.

The photographer for the wedding photos also took your DUI mug shot.

You set a cage of pigeons loose after the wedding ceremony.

The tables at the reception were decorated with inflated condoms.

Some of the wedding party got lost on the way to the church.

You postponed the wedding because the federal agents broke the still.

Those three little words you whisper to your wife at night are "Pull my finger."

The only test you ever passed was the pregnancy test.

Your wife's great-great grandmother just had her sixtieth birthday.

You drove a tractor on your first date.

You signed the marriage certificate with an X.

You had to take the tobacco out of your mouth to kiss the bride.

Your kid made the wedding ring in shop class.

The prenuptial agreement mentioned a set of socket wrenches.

You gave your dog a turn on the vibrating bed.

You wrote your wedding vows on your rap sheet.