QOTD, Secrets, Stock Market, Canada, Cab Driver, and Viagra...

Quote of the Day

"My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music."
- Vladimir Nabokov

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"The Secrets to Happiness"...

Live beneath your means and within your seams.

Return everything you borrow.

Donate blood.

Stop blaming other people.

Admit it when you make a mistake.

Give all the clothes you haven't worn in the last three years to charity.

Every day do something nice and try not to get caught.

Listen more; talk less.

Every day take a 30-minute walk in your neighborhood.

Skip two meals a week and give the money to the homeless.

Strive for excellence, not perfection.

Be on time.

Don't make excuses.

Don't argue.

Get organized.

Be kind to kind people.

Be even kinder to unkind people.

Let someone cut ahead of you in line.

Take time to be alone.

Reread a favorite book.

Cultivate good manners.

Be humble.

Understand and accept that life isn't always fair.

Know when to say something.

Know when to keep your mouth shut.

Don't criticize anyone for 24 hours.

Learn from the past, plan for the future, and live in the present.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

This is TheOldGuy saying we all should strive for happiness – but we all also need to WORK ON IT.

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Quotations about the Stock Market and Investing

"I made my money by selling too soon. " - Bernard Baruch (1870-1965) financier & economist

"If a little money does not go out, great money will not come in." - Confucius (551BC - 479BC) philosopher

"An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. " - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) author, printer, inventor, diplomat, scientist

"Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it." - Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) cowboy, entertainer, humorist

When asked what the stock market will do, J.P Morgan (1837-1913) (banker, financier, businessman) replied: "It will fluctuate."

"The most valuable things in life are not measured in monetary terms. The really important things are not houses and lands, stocks and bonds, automobiles and real state, but friendships, trust, confidence, empathy, mercy, love and faith." Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) philosopher & mathematician

"Bulls make money. Bears make money. Pigs get slaughtered." - Anonymous

"Don't try to buy at the bottom and sell at the top. It can't be done except by liars." Bernard Baruch (1870-1965) financier & economist

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You May Be From Canada If…


You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."

You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink pop, not soda.

You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.

You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.

You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

You know what a touque is.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".

Your local newspaper covers the national news on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.

You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and roadwork.

You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan." (Sas-Kat-chew-wan)

You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."

You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"

You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further.

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The Cab Driver Goes to Heaven

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.

A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie."

St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "This is heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."

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Viagra

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behaviour, asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."

She says, "Why, are you sick?"

He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.

He says, "Where the hell are you going"?

She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."

He says, "Why, what do you need?"

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."