Wal-Mart Has Everything

'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies. There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a doctor.'
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.'
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and a waits the results.
The Computer Prints The Following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank You For Shopping @ Wal-Mart