When you tilt, boy do you tilt..

TILT - The curse of the poker player. You know its there, you know you are going through it, but for some god foresaken reason, you cant stop it. And when it comes, boy oh boy does it come.

What is TILT, well I have a theory myself, that somewhere along the line you have really really pissed off the poker gods and this is payback time. Time for them to wreak havoc with your bankroll, your chips and your sanity.

It starts harmlessly enough. You have been winning recently and have built up a nice healthy stack. This is the first warning sign. The moment you start winning multiple pots then rest assured that you are just about to get shafted in the most indiscriminate manner. What I usually find is it starts with a hand like AK or AQ. You get intolved in a pot and sure enough you will hit on the flop. You will get action from a short stack and before you know it your AK/AQ has just been shafted by J-8 off suit. That is the point at which TILT begins and the point at which all sharp objects should be moved out of reach and the kids removed from earshot to prevent them learning words that their teacher would most definitely not want them using in the school playground.

My theory about tilt is that its the pokergods equivalent of the temptation of christ. When you are in full tilt, you dont get hands like 7-2. Oh no.. That would be too easy. The pokergods decide that you should get those nice hands that look wonderful and have real potential. The only problem is they make sure that some bugger has an even better one. THe classic is JJ on the button. Its folded round to you and you've got JJ. Whoopeee get the chips in the middle. The BB calls you and you find hes got AK suited. Flop comes and hes missed totally. You are ahead.. Great.. Turn.. still no joy for him.. And finally it comes. THe pokerstars river. You know whats coming.. You are screaming at hte monitor begging for no Ace or King. Ah bollocks. Sure enough the Ace turns up and you've just lost another chunk.

That small trickly of chips slowly ebbing its way from you stack gathers momentum until your stack value drops at a rate that would make AIG seem grateful that it wasnt them. Unfortunately there are no self serving politicians who have invested their money in your stack, so the chances of a bail out are highly improbable.

The problem with tilt is that once you start going through it the entire table can see it, and then you become an open target. You may as well go stand in Iraq with a huge banner saying "I am George Bush' cousin". It doesnt matter what cards you have, come to that it doesnt matter what cards they have, you are now target numero uno. What makes it worse is they bloody win every time. Your drawing hand is rendered worthless. Your pairs fail to turn into sets. When you do hit a set some bugger hits a bigger one. You hit two pair on the flop only to find some twat has hit a straight. No matter what you do, you cannot win. You could hit four aces and some bastard would have 5. Such is the cruel manner of tilt.

The question I would like answering, and its one of lifes immortal questions, is how do you stop it. How can you prevent your chips being handed around like bread and wine at the last supper. I've been playing poker for a long time and no one has ever managed to tell me how you get out of the tilt spiral.

There is a theory that if you start tilting you should walk away and take a break. I tried that. And believe me it doesnt work. You find yourself ruminating over the bad beats, you get even more wound up and before long the tempation to go seek revenge on someone in a heads up match gets the better of you.

I wish I could offer some advice, tell you that tilt can be prevented. Trust me it cant. You just have to sit there and take it on the chin. Ride it out.

Eventually once you've all but anhilated your bankroll then the poker gods will finally decide you've been punished enough and some other poor bugger will get it. Their nice new healthy bankroll will become the target and you will begin to get some of your stack back when someone else starts losing hand after hand. THe only thing is, this time its your garbage that will send them into a fit of rage that you yourself was going through only a couple of hours earlier.

IF you start to go through tilt just remember these simple rules and you wont go wrong

1) When you start to go on tilt fold everything. Even if you hit a royal flush on the flop. Its the only sure fire way of making sure you dont lose a single chip

2) If you see someone else going through tilt DO NOT laugh at them. That is the sure fire way of making sure that it will be your turn next

3) If you dont want to go on tilt, dont play poker

4) If you have gone through tilt there is a nice website called Railbirds where you can vent your frustrations. It far more therapeutic than kicking holy crap out of the cat...