SOME NOTES FOR YOU LADIES

Ladies

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. We know your not mechanically gifted but you're big girls. If it's UP put it DOWN. If it's DOWN put it UP.Your good enough, and your smart enough, and dog gone it, you can do this.

2.Birthdays, valentines, and Anniversaries are NOT supposed to be a "Quests" to see if we can find you the "Holy Grail" of presents. And besides this will go GREAT with the His and Hers Beer Wraps we got you for Christmas.
2.1 Ask for what you want..Lets be really clear here, Subtle hints are what got you the "Hers beer Wrap" Strong hints just confuse us, OVER WHELMING Hints....nope , sorry. Take us to IT point, and in a LOUD Strong voice say "THIS! Is the one I want YOU to get for me, I would love YOU to get this for me " make eye contact and reinforce with a tasty treat

3. Sometimes we are NOT thinking about you,but your constant asking "what are you thinking? whats wrong? are you ok?" does break up the monotony of having a coherent thought.. thanks

4. YES! in fact EVERYTHING does come to a screeching halt just because it's Kick Off ! It's science..you wouldn't understand.

5. Don't cut your hair EVER. As good as it may look with your new hair cut, it looked better longer. and NEVER tell us how much it cost to get it cut so "cute" thats just adding insult to injury.

6..Shopping is NOT fun, its NOT enjoyable, It's NOT a social activity...It's hunting and gathering and is best carried out with swift, calculated efficiency.

7. Crying is Blackmail. you know it, we know it, everyone knows it.

8. Do we know what tomorrow is? NOPE! NO CLUE..we are still writing 2006 on our checks, given that, how can you expect us to know what anniversary B-day or what ever it maybe? YOU know,so it's up to you to share the knowledge, frequently, and early enough to plan a trip to show us what to buy you.

9.If it's a wedding or a funeral wear the dress shoes, work or woods the lace up boots, other Tennis shoes/sandles THAT IS MANS COMPLETE UNABRIDGED KNOWLEDGE OF FOOT WEAR if they will get you to come on then "yes those shoes are perfect with that whatever"

10 "YES" and "NO" really are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

11. Only come to us with the problems you actually want to have us help you solve. we are fixers, Sympathy is what you have girl friends for.

12. Any head ache that lasts more then 48 hours NEEDS to be seen by a Doctor

13ish If you think you might look fat in something go with that, we didn't really want to take you out to Dinner anyway and sex Burns calories. again we are here to help

14. If anything we say can be taken more then one way, and one of the ways makes you sad, mad, or angry, we meant it the OTHER WAY.

15 If there is a hottie in our line of sight we look, we don't do it to be rude or disrespectful, we do it because there is a hottie in our line of sight, its Genetic

16, you can ask us to do something OR tell us how exactly you want us to do something these are NOT one in the same

17.Why do care about your day but if you could tell us about it during the commercial breaks we would be thankful

18 Men see colors just like Windows default settings, 16 colors (MAX) Peach for example is a fruit NOT a color,same with pumpkin, and we have no frigging idea what the hell Mauve is

19 Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we,

20. If it itches we scratch it, thats why it itches again science

21.The fact that we don't read minds is NOT an indicator of how little we care,

22. if you ask "whats wrong?" and we say "nothing" we mean it . if we ask and you say "nothing" we know you are lying but it's really not worth the hassle

23 When you ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to , expect an answer you didn't want to hear

24.When we are supposed to be some where absolutely ANYTHING you wear is fine, great, perfect, really.

25.It really isn't in anyones best interest for us to take the quiz together...and I don't just mean the ones in Cosmo, any quiz ever.

26. Don't ask us what we are really thinking unless you want to hear about football boobs or power tools.

27.Ladies the whole inner secret to understanding us is this..We are either hungry or horney, if we are not hard, make us a sandwich

28. I know i'm sleeping on the couch if my wife reads this.................and the truth is falling asleep on the couch with the TV on is NOT punishment,



Thank you ladies