Rough week outside of poker

Well last monday i went to a local bar to play a free poker tournament, and got knocked out in 5th i think by a bad beat, it happens, so i left the bar(no drinks had to study for a big test in school the next day) and was heading home to study, but of course i had to scratch that itch of poker first =), then as i was heading home, i blacked out and crashed, luckily hitting no one, but went over the medium in the middle of the road then hit a curb, i dont remember much but i do remember the impact,

i got out and noticed the car was trashed, so i called roadside assistance, and we towed the car to the dealership, darn it was closed, so my mother picked me up, and i felt ok just a little shaken up, then in the middle of the night found myself crying from pain, so the next day i spent it at the hospital while my mother took car of the insurance issues to get the car fixed, i was having intense muscle spasms, oh i was at the veterans hospital, seeing as though im one, the doctor discovered that this has happened to me before i just never told anyone, i simply thought i just fell asleep before, but the doctor made me take a catscan and said my brain was abnormal, huh, how, well i have a bump on my brain, nothing serious he says, but we have to get to the root of the blacking out, so he refered me to the neurologist, my appointment wasnt for another week, meanwhile i was given pain killers and muscle relaxers for the pain,

on thursday, my sister in law came in the house and said i received a letter fed-exed, huh from who, kansas city missouri, it was a recall letter from the marines, i have to report to kansas city on oct 17 for a medical screening then if ok i get sent back to a unit in california for another deployment(mind u ive been to iraq twice and got out honorable and was starting my life anew at college, loving it), i felt depressed, really really depressed, i hated the marine corps, dont get me wrong i have honor, but i hate the military way of being a marine, i was so upset, F*ck cant they let me live a normal life, F*CK, my buddies who were in the same unit as me who got out also, some with new families of their own, got a letter, no one is enlisting these days so us(newly got out) vets have to return for a third tour some a fourth!, i have nothing else left to give, im physically and mentally damaged from the marines

i go see the neurologist this past monday, to do an eeg exam, still waiting on results, but they think i have epilepsy i think? dont know its properly spelled, didnt start having these til after my first tour overseas, my mom was with me at the hospital, which was a mistake cuz she told em i was depressed(which is somewhat true, i have been losing wieght fast(30 lbs in a couple of months) and sleeping all day with no interest to do anything) oh and of course my anger, the marines made me angry, just thinking of it my blood boils, i think of they way i was treated and i get pissed! i thought i won when i finished my four years, guess not, the corps gets theirs, always....

so they take me to mental health clinic at the hospital, and i wanted no part, but my mom and the doctors kept pursisting, and i got pissed and walked out, lately i dont know whats wrong with me, why is everything falling apart, i have my girlfriend crying about me possibly leaving again, reminds me of each of the times i went before, yup those girlfriends moved on, heck one got married while i was overseas, chew on that, to them im a number, a contract holds me from living a normal life, im an outsider, i go to college, at 23 with classes with these young happy 17, 18 year olds, and get envious, they dont have to worry, they at least get a warm bed at night or at least a womens touch, over there under those stars, i dreamnt of both, and now i may be heading back, some of my buddies blew off their savings to go party and drink, to numb the pain, to get some at least while they can, my other buddies have a difficult time explaining to their wifes and kids of this,

poker is my only outlet, but yet even then i found myself hating this game, the bad beats and all in preflops take a toll on u, its not even fun no more, i find myself at home alone, dodging the phone calls, taking my meds, and in pain, physically and emotionally....what a week.....