CHECK RAISE MAN!

This was inspired by an actual incident that happened a few weeks ago, The names were changed to protect the Idiot, but hopefully those involved will see them selves and either laugh or cry ,which ever is required..... I know its a little long but I hope you think its worth the read,...


The Adventures of CHECKRAISEMAN!
A world away from the frozen wasteland he was born in, mild mannered Mikey Lemieux thinks back to all he has left behind in the land of his youth, CanEhDuh the frozen lake where he learned to ice skate that wonderful frost filled July weekend. That frozen lake where he hunched for hours hoping to catch a single fish to help feed his Mother and more importantly the sled dogs, They very thing they depended on for their very survival. That ummm frozen lake where he lost his four front teeth skating at right wing. Finally marking him a man among his people.And ummmm well?? did I mention the frozen lake? I did? O.K. then But all of THAT was not enough, he needed more, he needed to know who he was, what he was.

It seems so long ago that he climbed those thirteen ice covered steps up from his mothers basement and set out on his quest. Knowing that he would never be able to rest until he found his real Father, not knowing where his road would lead him. But knowing he most follow it to where ever it was destined to take him.

But that was then, and he is far from there.

He must focus on the here and now, opening the cover of his most prized possession, The Poker Players Text Book, his Bible. He removes the single sheet of paper with everything he has been able to uncover about his true Father. He knows every letter by heart but squinting in the flickering light at the back of the gently rolling bus he re-reads them again:

Name: Mike Myers

Last seen: 24 years ago on the day of his birth

Last words: Said to Mother: “I’ll send for you both if I am able to get work across the border.”

Possible Aliases: Wayne, Austin Powers, Shriek

Possible contacts: Garth, Donkey, mini me.

Other:______________

carefully returning what he calls “the map” to the safety of the sturdy book he carries, he dares to wonder what lies ahead for him.What is to become of him?

His wonderings are shattered by the crackling voice of the bus driver “20 minutes to BumIntercourse Oregon that’s 20 minutes everyone”. Mikey thinks 20 minutes? Just enough time to eat the last Sandwich Mom packed as I struck out so many hours ago. Mmmm baloney and warm mayo just like Mom used to make.

This wasn’t what he set out to do, but some how this is what he has become. The road changes a man hardens him. Takes him where it leads and not always where he wants to go. Once again he finds himself prowling the dark smoky underbelly of the badlands. It may not be his by birth; in fact they’re maybe some pending immigration issues that make him unwanted here. However this is where he is needed, and where the bus dropped him off. He must survive and to do that he must help America to survive.


A lone avenger gambling with much more then just the well-worn poker chips stacked before him, he gambles it all. Under his faded jeans and Star Wars tee shirt is what may very well be the last best hope for mankind. Yes! In an instant and with a few common safety pins, his Mothers old dish towel and a little privacy allowing him to don his worn butt hugger briefs over his jeans. He becomes that Tower of pure Power, the one the only CHECK RAISE MAN!!!!

His only purpose is to bring order out of the chaos that threatens to turn Americas favorite pass time Poker into a hopeless fight for all the chips. To establish strict order where now there is only a fleeting hope for a simpler, better way.

Sure that no one will realize that mild mannered Mikey Lemieux is actually..(Dramatic pause…&hellip……CHECK RAISE MAN!!, he finds his way into a local casino and uses the last of his cash to buy a seat in the next Texas Hold’em tournament. Patiently he waits to make his move…. Finally he gets the cards he’s been waiting for, I think they were 7-8 off suit but I could be wrong, and he….(Dramatic pause)….Checks! That’s right, Check Raise Man just checks … DUNNDUNNDAADUNNNN!!!!! He waits to spring his well-laid trap, watching as one by one they fold, all but one. He wonders could this mild mannered girl be his arch rival the RAKE TAKER in disguise?” Only one way to know for sure. He stares her directly in the eyes and ….(Dramatic Pause…..RAISES! DUNNDUNNDAADUMMMMMMM to his horror she doesn’t miss a beat, with a straight flush all over cards on the board she calls. He is all in and all but drawing dead and at the mercy of(Dramatic pause....) The RAKE TAKER!!!!
Within moments all his chips are gone. The Evil Rake Taker enjoys her evil victory. Forcing him to walk away like all her victims before him, for now.
Finally alone, seeing as everyone is a little creeped out by this foreign guy hanging around the men’s room, he quickly strips out of his jeans and switches his slightly soiled butt hugger briefs to the out side of his faded jeans. With the satisfying snap of his trusty safety pins attaches the dish tow….umm cape to his Star Wars tee shirt. To become CHECK RAISE MAN!!! Retrieving the sock that fell from his jeans in the change, he unrolls it, slipping it over his closed fist calling on his trusted sidekick Bad Beat Boy! Together they rush to find JUSTICE.
.Rushing out of the men’s room stall, pausing just long enough to salute the image of CHECK RAISE MAN and BAD BEAT BOY he sees in the mirror. They rush together to their fate. Every one in the casino falls quiet as the duo run directly at the table where they so recently suffered at the hands of The Rake Taker …. and they leap ….. falling far short of the tabletop they had hoped to hold for this final show down. Instead they find themselves sprawled among several chairs, a tray of slightly watered down drinks, one skinny waitress and the eyes of the world.
In a blink of an eye Check Raise Man thrusts Bad Beat Boy directly up at the dastardly villain and boldly declares “I CHECK RAISED! DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THAT MEANS I HAD STRENGTH? I WAS STRONG! I HAD CALLED ON THE FORCE OF THE CHECK RAISE! I HAD CHECK RAISE POWER! I LOVED MY CHECK RAISE AND THE BOOK SAYS YOU HAVE TO LET ME WIN AFTER I CHECK RAISE! VILLAIN!” Then slowly a single tear rolls down Check Raise Mans cheek, he quickly wipes it away with Bad Beat Boy’s super absorbent costume. They turn and slowly walk into the storm filled night, muttering “Icheckraised Ireallydid Iwasstrong Iwas checkraisestrong mommyyyyyyyyyyy”
As for the fate of Check Raise Man and Bad beat Boy, no one can say for sure! It is rumored that they found a close friend in, someone who they understood and who shared their vision of the future when they looked up the Donkey who is believed to have known Mikey’s father under his assumed name of Shrek
But that is another tale…for another time.......