MY LAST TRIP TO WAL-MART....
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow
for my loyal pet, STRIKER, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line
when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little
to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting
the Purina Diet again, and I added that I probably shouldn't, because I
ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my
story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an
Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he
was laughing so hard.
Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
Lipstick in School (priceless)
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips on the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine all the yawns from the little princesses).
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers .. and then there are educators
© Copyright 2009
1 comment
lmao..............very good indeed...........sent these to my motherinlaw..........lmao
.....................................dj