QOTD, and Worrying, and Gorilla, and Goose, and Math, and Perfect Girl...

Quote of the Day

"A diplomat... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip." - Caskie Stinnett

"When Do You Stop Worrying?" by an anonymous Mom...

Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, "It's their life," and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do you stop worrying?" A nurse said, "When they get out of the accident stage." My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher said, "Don't worry. They all go through this stage, and then you can sit back, relax, and enjoy them." My mother listened and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring and the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said, "They're trying to find themselves. In a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults."

By the time I was 50, I was sick and tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was nothing I could do about it. I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments. My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my mother's wan smile and her occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right? Call me the minute you get home. Are you depressed about something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse? Or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life? One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, "Where were you? I've been calling for three days, and no one answered. I was worried!!!"

I smiled a wan smile.

This is TheOldGuy, reminding you that having someone to worry about, to really care about, is a blessing that you should never forget. Enjoy it.

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A Gorilla Walks Into A Bar...

A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a martini to the amazement of the bartender.

When the bartender gives the gorilla the martini, he’s further surprised to see that the ape is holding a $20 bill.

The bartender takes the $20, then he decides to see just how smart the gorilla is, so he hands the gorilla on $1 change.

The gorilla quietly sips the martini until the bartender breaks the silence.

“We don’t get too many apes in here,” he says.

The gorilla replies, “At $19 a drink, I’m not surprised.”

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"Lesson of the Goose"...

1. As each goose flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird behind it. By flying in a V-formation, the whole flock adds 71 percent more flying range than if each bird flew alone
Lesson: People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going quicker and easier when they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

2. When a goose gets sick, wounded, or shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down. They stay with the goose to help and protect it until it is able to fly again or dies. Then they launch out with another formation to catch up with the flock.
Lesson: If we have as much sense as geese, we will stand by each other.

3. Whenever a goose falls out of the formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to fly alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.
Lesson: If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those who are headed where we want to go.

4. When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back into the formation and another goose flies at the point position.
Lesson: It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership.

5. The geese in formation honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

Lesson: We need to make sure our honking from behind is encouraging- -not something less than helpful. This is Rex Barker, reminding you that there are constant lessons and reminders for us both as individuals and as humanity. It is up to us to learn from them and grow.

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Italian Mathematics...

A recent Italian immigrant comes to New York and wants a job. However, the foreman at the job site won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

"Here's your first question," the foreman says. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Italian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has ust drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

"All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Italian man stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and poop by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred.

So, when I start?"

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"The Perfect Girl"....

A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married.

Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl...once. I guess she was the one perfect girl...the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything...I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.

This is TheOldGuy reminding you that none of us are perfect, so it is counter-productive to look for someone who is. What we should be looking for in a marriage is where each person elevates the other to reach his or her true potential. This happens when you love each other, respect one another, share common values and inspire each other.