Parents are stupid...

This moring I finally had to accept the truth. I had to face up to the fact that I, the lad that would never grow up, has now become something every child fears. I'd become just like my dad... Yes.. As a child I vowed that when I grew up I would never ever, not in a million years, treat my kids the way my dad used to treat me. Dont get me wrong, he's my idol, he's my hero. Hes the greatest dad on earth and I love him unreservedly. However as a kid, I found him to be, well to put it plain and simple. A little bit stupid...

This morning one event in particular struck me forcibly between the eyes, and I realised that I am becoming everything that I, as a child didnt want to be. I am now a fully fledged, time served, subscription paid member of the Stupid Parent Society..

I was getting ready for work, as millions of dads do everyday, and my little one came up to me and asked in all innocence " daddy, where are my shoes". A perfectly innocent question, one asked by millions of kids everyday all around the world.. " Where did you put them" I asked. and his short but altogether logical reply was " well if I knew where I put them I wouldnt be asking you "

DOH... As a kid I used to laugh mercilessly at my parents most ridiculous statements and questions, much to their annoyance, but reriously, as a kid, what are you supposed to say when you're parents ask you " DO YOU WANT A SMACK". How many kids do you know say " yes pops, can I have a right hander round right the face"..

Think back to your own childhoods. Think about the things your parents used to say to you, and I will bet you any money you like, in fact I'll go all in with my mortgage on top, that you too can find similarly stupid questions from your parents.

When you used to come home late, did you ever find dad stood at the doorway with a very stern look on his face, staring intently at his watch. What was his first question? I'll bet it was the same as what my dad used to say to me. " DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE TIME IS"... Well actually dad, you are the one with the watch on, you are looking at it for christs sake, and given it was you who taught me to tell the time I really shouldnt have to be telling you.

Hoever the one that really has me in fits of laughter, is the complete contradiction my dad used to make on an almost daily basis.

Being a rather boistrous child, I was, like many children are, on the noisy side. My incessant chatter and giggling used to send my parents crazy, and my dad would say to me " RIGHT THATS IT.. I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD FROM YOU FOR TEN MINUTES. OK.. DO YOU UNDERSTAND"...... What a dilemna.. You want me to stay silent yet also you want me to confirm that I am conversant with what you are saying ? What used to really really throw the petrol on the fire is when he would then say " ANSWER ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU".. Hang on a minute matey... Less than ten seconds ago you told me not to speak a word for ten minutes, now you are telling me to speak. Make your bloody mind up will ya....

Like when you have your coat on and you're stepping out the front door. What does mum ask ? " Are you going out"......... Work it out Einstein.........

Anyway, as I said at the start, I have now reached that stage. I am now asking those stupid questions, and the sad truth is, I dont even realise I am doing it. Its now that I realise my parents didnt realise they were doing it either.

For all you parent to be, think on.. This is going to happen to you. You will vow it wont, but rest assured, as sure as god made little apples, you will do it. And theres nothing you can do to stop it.