God I hate the olympics

Dunno about you, but I've had about my gut full of the bloody olympics. I mean come on, just how many times do we have to see Michael Phelps stood proudly to attention, tears rolling down his cheeks whilst they play the star spangled banner for the umpteenth time..

Excuse me for being slightly sceptical about this, but the first time he was placed in this situation I can understand the occasion getting to him. But FOURTEEN TIMES. Christ the bloke can most probablty play the bloody tune backwards on a banjo, so many times has he heard the song.

And the tears ? Well sorry, but you can only get so emotional about being the best so many times before the sense of occasion slightly loses its feel. Either hes a very sentimental bloke, which I seriously doubt else he'd let some other bugger win for once, or he can turn on the waterworks like a tap.

Sorry, I just dont buy it, and its kind of grating on me now. I want something different..

How many times are we going to see the 100 metres final with a bloke putting in about as much effort as I did my high school exams. Seriously, the epitomy of the olympics is people striving to be the best. Giving their all, going past the realms of human ability to be the best. That lanky sod put in zero effort, took about four paces and pissed past everyone else like they didnt exist.. Hardly in keeping with the olympic spirit is it.

Living in the UK olympic success isnt very forthcoming, so everytime we gain a gold medal we get 30 repeats of it hailing the new hero of british sporting achievement. Great.. Another gold medal... In sailing. For the love of god.. SAILING... A country with 60 milllion people, one of the richest nations in the world and what can we excel in ? Paddling a frigging dinghy... Bloody marvellous isnt it.

Thats actually a bit harsh. We did gain a gold medal in the womens 400 metres. Wonderful. Who won it ? Someone who happened to be banned for two years for failing to attend her drugs test. No wonder she bloody ran so fast. They told her the drugs testers were behind her...

You most probably think I am one miserable sod, and I guess you could be right. But these olympics are just grating me ever so slightly. I am not racist, I am in fact very tolerant of all cultures, but if I see another chineseman waving silly blow up sticks and banging them together like Phil Collins in full flow, I think I am going to wage war on China myself. You can kind of understand why the people of Burma are against Chinese rule. I would be if I was told to stand in front of the worlds TV cameras and wave to inflated condoms in the air..

Please dont get me wrong, I love sport. I am football mad, I can watch Rugby for hours. I've even been known to watch American football ( OK, so thats perhaps stretching it a bit ). But why cant we have something interesting for once.

I mean seriously. Has anyone watched the 10 metre diving competition. Lunatics leap from 30 feet up in the air, spin around somewhere between lift off and the water, and the commentators tell us what a fantastic dive it was, or what a cock up they made. Excuse me, but one body falling at the speed of sound spinning aimlessly looks pretty much the same as another if you ask me. How the bloody hell do I know if its a good dive or not. For all I know they could have been shot at the top and just fell like a hollywood stuntmen. ( for any olympic divers out there, thats a potential moneyspinner for you ).

I turn the channel over. And we get that ever so interesting sport of Dressage. You must know the one. The event where you teach a horse to skip and get applauded for doing it. Isnt that what a frigging circus is for ?

For me, the best thing they could do is make Poker an olympic sport. How cool would that be hey.

Imagine the scene. Mike Matusow, Phil Hellmuth and Howard Lederer all competing for the magical gold medal attached to a 400,000 chip.. Doyle Brunson aiming to become the oldest olympic gold medal winner ever. In fact rumours are that he was there to watch the first ever olympics way back in 300 b c but those rumours are unconfirmed and I wouldnt want to cast aspertions on his age.. I dont think he'd appreciate me making him to appear younger than he actually is.

Just how good would it luck on TV. You are one hand away from olympic gold and one monumental cock up latere you are sitting alongside the also rans from the tiddlywinks competition..

What fun would it be to see Phil Hellmuth in full flow in front of all those chinese people banging their little rubbers together. I mean the bloke kicks off about the slightest thing that interupts him. Imagine his face when half the population of Shanghai are there whacking those bloody inflatables together.

If you thought Michael Phelps was sentimental, imagine Matusow having to settle for silver medal. There would be enough water flowing to give Michael Phelps somewhere to practise and give our sailing team a training facility to boot..

Nah, sorry, but these olympic games are seriously getting on my nerves, and I am glad they only come around every four years. Sadly though the next ones are in London, so imagine what this countries going to be like preparing for the olympics. How we will take on the world in our own back yard. Yeah right.. Unless it can float along Great Yarmouth beach we're looking pretty buggered...

Give me the WSOP anyday. Its more entertaining, I understand it, and more importantly you dont have to listen to the same national anthem every fifteen minutes....