Puppies, and T-day, and Sleepless, and Late Night...

Having A Puppy A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex.

The little boy asks his father: "Daddy, what are they doing?" The father says: "They are Making a puppy". So they walk on and go home.

A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex.

The little boy says: "Daddy, what are you doing?" The father replies: "Making a baby".

The little boy says: "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead!"

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T-Day

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage.

While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."

On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didn't' realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry.

I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY

2. THURSDAY

3. TODAY

4. TOMORROW

P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."

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Sleepless Nights...

Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly.

They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?"

He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said. They couldn't believe it!

They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night.

He sat up and watched me all night long."

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The Best of Late Night...

A Republican politician form Idaho has endorsed Barack Obama. The last time a Republican switched sides was in an airport men's room. -Craig Ferguson

After vigorously denying it, John Edwards has finally admitted his affair. The National Enquirer was the only publication writing about it. You know what this means? Elvis is alive! Bigfoot is real! -Jay Leno

President Bush has become the first sitting U.S. president to attend the Olympics in a foreign country. He said he‘s been looking forward to it ever since he learned that in China people are not allowed to make fun of political leaders. -Jimmy Kimmel

President Bush arrived in Beijing today. I don’t think he really gets the Olympics. When they asked him if he liked the decathlon, he said that he prefers regular coffee. -Jay Leno

The Olympics has started. There are some sports in the Olympics that there never used to be. Beach volleyball? How is that a sport? Beach volleyball used to be a few girls playing volleyball and the boys would say, "Hey — there's some girls playing volleyball . . . wanna go over there?" -Craig Ferguson

The Chinese threw a big state dinner for President Bush. In his honor, they served Peking lame duck. -David Letterman

According to rumors, John McCain and Barack Obama are both trying to get Angelina Jolie’s endorsement. John Edwards is just trying to get her number. -Craig Ferguson

Ryan Seacrest has broken up with his girlfriend of three months. Seacrest says he’s not going to miss his girlfriend, but he is going to miss borrowing her jeans. -Conan O'Brien