QOTD, and Quotes, and Champagne, and Cops, and Bacon...

QUOTES THAT MAKE YOU THINK. This week we focus on the Olympics...

Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is everybody ready to start now?"
- Jack Handy

Olympics -- A lifetime of training for just ten seconds. - Jesse Owens

I am building a fire, and everyday I train, I add more fuel. At just the right moment, I light the match. - Mia Hamm

All I've done is run fast. I don't see why people should make much fuss about that.
- Fanny Blankers-Koen

Curling is not a sport. I called my grandmother and told her she could win a gold medal because they have dusting in the Olympics now. - Charles Barkley

[On winning seven gold medals] I swam my brains out. -Mark Spitz [after losing the 800m final in 1980]

To anyone who has started out on a long campaign believing that the gold medal was destined for him, the feeling when, all of a sudden, the medal has gone somewhere else is quite indescribable. - Sebastian Coe

It is the inspiration of the Olympic Games that drives people not only to compete but to improve, and to bring lasting spiritual and moral benefits to the athlete and inspiration to those lucky enough to witness the athletic dedication. - Herb Elliott

The Olympics are a wonderful metaphor for world cooperation, the kind of international competition that's wholesome and healthy, an interplay between countries that represents the best in all of us. - John Williams

The Olympics remain the most compelling search for excellence that exists in sport, and maybe in life itself. - Dawn Fraser

The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not winning but taking part; the essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well. - Pierre de Coubertin

For athletes, the Olympics are the ultimate test of their worth. -Mary Lou Retton

Finishing second in the Olympics gets you silver. Finishing second in politics gets you oblivion. - Richard Nixon

Stretch pants - the garment that made skiing a spectator sport. - Author Unknown

Take The Champagne!

A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note to the man. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, $1 million in liquid assets, and 7 inches in your pants."

Well, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just so you know -- I happen to have TWO Mercedes in my garage, I have well over $2 million in assets, but not even for YOU, would I cut off 2 inches! Send the bottle back."

Looking For Cops

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.

"Yes," says the blonde.

"Are their lights on?"

The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."