Here are the winners of the
Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition. :
- Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
- Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
- Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
- Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
- Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
- Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
- Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person who doesn't get it.
- Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
- Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
- Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
- Glibido : All talk and no action.
- Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
- Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The
Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
- Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
- Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
- Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
- Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
- Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.
- Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
- Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
- Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
- Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
- Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
© Copyright 2008
18 comments
LMAO!!! these are funny
~Flops~
I'm the third emoticon lmao!
addendum:
doflation: happens when you spend a good portion of the day trying to make a perfect souffle
invenshun: apparently clever new gadget that, in ten years, nobody will remember
demoncracy: the loudest, most coldhearted and selfish get to decide what's gonna be done
trafficjum: that lovely creature next to you in a trafficjam that makes you wish you were carpooling
Great! I like the bozone and the Karmageddon ones best! Fun, fun, fun!! I really like semantics and related subjects! lol
I often wondered if I could qualify for mensa membership. It costs so much just to take the damn test!. I took it once back many, many years ago! lol (when it was much cheaper) but never sent it in to be evaluated! ( I think, I was afraid I'd be told I was an idiot or similiar! lol)
One of those things you regret for the rest of your life for not doing.
Thanks!
Good luck on the tables!