RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
so I suggested the kitchen
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late
for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months . I don't like to interrupt her .
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'
© Copyright 2010
33 comments
stand up... Dennis Leary (Cure for Cancer) is one of the top ones... Richard Prior, Red Fox, EDDIE MURPHY, Dave Chappel, Chris Tucker, Jay Anthony Brown... too many to count really... who is the worst would be easier... lol
As actors, Will Farrel, David Spade, Chris Farley, John Candy, Marx Brothers, Three Stooges, Belushi's, JACK BLACK... again, so many... Joe Pesci, Anthony Anderson, Jamie Kennedy, etc...
Way too difficult to choose... nice blog tho
No wait, over all slapstick satyrical funnyman for me is Jerry Lewis...
Not funniest of all, Seinfeld, i think...
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months . I don't like to interrupt her .
love it dj
Red was a great one but my favorite is.....
PEACE
. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months . I don't like to interrupt her .
toooooooooooooooooooooo funny
I have many favorites..I can't choose just one
..but I will say I like anyone who can make me laugh...to me they have acommplished something with my sense of humor
~Flops~
I grew up with Red and he is my favorite clean comedian.. of course all of the ones mentioned are great but what about ...Sam Kenison..
My fav recent comedian is Lewis Black
i cant remember his name, but when my daddy was alive we had all his records.
he was a southern redneck comedian and one of his best was about a coon hunt with marcel and the punch line was
"shoot up here amungst us, one of us has got to have some relief"
anyone remember who i am talking about.
now i remember
Jerry crowder