RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
so I suggested the kitchen
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late
for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months . I don't like to interrupt her .
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'
© Copyright 2010
33 comments
George Carlin,Jimmy Norton,Lewis Black
But the biggest clown as to be George bush!!!
OH MY... I remember Red Skelton from when I was a kid... also Danny Kaye... a riot!... I still to this day.. laugh til I cry at Abbott and Costello's Who's on first! Jerry Lewis of course.
Now days.. I would have to agree with JamnandScram... Dennis Leary's No Cure for Cancer is one of the funniest things I have ever seen..
Jerry Clower rose
Remember Speck Rhodes???
This is one of the funniest people I have ever seen ....lmao
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Red Skelton was born and raised 26 miles from where I was born and raised, in a town called Vincennens Indiana. I was raised asross the Wabash river in Palestine, Illlinois, so growing up watching him on Tv, and him being a home boy so to speak, I have always liked him !
George Carlins facial expressions, and body language were always good to watch, and Howie Mandel puts on a good "R" rated show, but, I don't think either of them can stand up to Red as "Freddy The Freeloader", and I will always remember Gurtrude and Heacliff, the two flying seagulls, good night, and may God bless, Good Night !
hmmm there are so many greats but bein from GA i'll go with the blue collar guys....Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall, Jeff Foxworthy, and Ron "Tater Salad" White. i also like alot of the hispanic comedians like George Lopez and Carlos Mencia. oh and who could forget the great Robin Williams back in his stand up days.......oh gee there are too many greats...i love em all. best wishes and gl in all u do.
pp