need a giggle? try elephant jokes

Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy points to it and says, "Mummy, what is that long thing?"
His mother replies, "That son, is the elephant's trunk."
"No, at the other end."
"That son is the tail."
"No, mummy, the thing under the elephant"
A short embarrassed silenced after which she replies, "Thats nothing." The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied with her answer asks his father the same question.
"Daddy, what is that long thing?"
"That's the trunk, son" replies the father.
"No at the other end."
"Oh, that is the tail."
"No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation.
"That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?"
"Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy.
Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman ..."

__________________________________________________________

Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:

The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant
or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant
The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture
or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants
The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.

__________________________________________________________

Deep Thoughts

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

__________________________________________________________

In the jungle there was once this elephant and a snake. They had a bitter rivalry about who was smarter. So the wise owl (who was their arbitrator) set each of them a test. To the elephant he posed the problem of catching or snookering the snake; the snake, on the other hand, had to surprise and astound the elephant.
Next day the snake crept up on the elephant; and within a blink of an eye slithered up the elephant's trunk. The snake wriggled and wriggled up the trunk, into the esophegus, down into the stomach, through the intestines, and a minute later popped out of the elephant's arse, and said 'BOO!'
The elephant, clearly astounded, asked the snake to do it again; this was truly a remarkable feat, and wanted to make sure it wasn't a fluke.
So the snake wiped himself on some grass, and slithered once more up the trunk, slipping and sliding through the elephant's digestive tract.
When the snake emerged a minute later, covered in shit, from the elephant's rectum, the elephant shoved his trunk up his ass and said 'Snookered!'

__________________________________________________________

This joke involves an elephant who is walking through the jungle. And all of a sudden he falls into a pit and is stuck there. The elephant is stuck in this pit and realises that he is going to die, so naturally he start to scream. By chance a chicken hears the screaming of the elephant and decides to investigate. He sees the elephant stuck in the pit and shouts to the elephant: "Dont worry, I am going to save you". The chicken then calls on the King of the Jungle.
The King of the Jungle promptly arrives in his *Red Porsche*. He throws a rope from the Porche into the pit, the elephant ties it around himself and the King of the Jungle pulls him out of the pit. The elephant is saved (loud applause).
So grateful is the elephant to the chicken that he promises him that he will one day do the same for him (if the chicken should ever be in mortal danger).
As chance would have it, the next week the elephant is walking thru' the jungle and hears the screaming of a chicken. He wanders over and sees that his friend the chicken is stuck in a pit. (ohh, gosh) The elephant shouts "Don't worry chicken I will save you". So the elephant throws his tail into the pit. However this tail is too small and the chicken cannot reach it. Undeterred by this the elephant throws in his trunk, but, alas this also is too small. As a last desperate effort the elephant throws in his his penis. Sucess! The chicken grabs the elephants enormous penis and climbs out to safety.
Moral of the story: "If you have a big dick you don't need a red Porsche to pull a chick."