for Grog

there has been so much pain on here lately, so many losses, my heart has been breaking for the loss and pain that so many are feeling at the moment, it has been just over a year since this happened, and this is a blog i wrote last feb on what would have been Greg's birthday, it has been a really hard time the last few weeks with the anniversary of his death, and i guess i just needed to get it off my chest

i never realised how sad those words could be "happy birthday Greg", but they are and it is so sad, so sad that a few weeks ago Greg decided that life wasn't worth living, that it was all just too much, and killed himself. Today Greg would have been 30, still so young, with so much ahead, but now there is nothing, there is a deep emptiness instead.

Greg was my little brothers best friend, he had been apart of our lives for over 20 years and what a wonderful part. He moved into my parents house a few years ago and it was such a treasure to have him around.

Greg was a person that everyone loved, that everyone admired, that everyone found a friend in, he was kind and honest and sweet and thoughtful and funny and...........he was Greg, or to me he was always Grog, or Groggy. You would not be able to find a person that had met Greg to say a bad word about him, he was such a precious soul, and the deepest sadness about it all, is that even through all the love and caring that everyone felt for him, he obviously had such a profound sadness inside to be able to do what he did, such a pain that he couldn't cope with it all anymore, thats what breaks my heart, that the hurt inside him was so bad he didn't feel he could turn to anyone, none of the people who loved and cared for him ever knew this was even an option for him, no one knew how close to the edge he was till he was already gone.

To hear on the news that a young policeman had been found dead in the toilets with a single gunshot wound to the head is devistating, to know it was Greg was so far beyond devistating, it wrenched my soul, my very being.

To think that the weekend before we were talking about how big the kids were getting and i would have to bring them up to go fishing in the dam with him and Steve.......

my Dad summed Greg up so beautifully at his funeral, i just have to add it so u can understand....

"our Greg"

Greg was such a huge part of our lives. He lived in the shack at our place for 5 years. Greg was like a second son to us, and we loved him like he was one of our own. Steven, our son, and Greg have been best buddies for around 20 years. Steve couldn't have loved him more if Greg had been his actual brother.

We have 6 grandchildren and it makes me smile to think of how their faces lit up whenever they saw Greg. He ran a close second to Uncle Steve in their popularity stakes, until the arrival of Jacque, Steve's partner. Then he was relegated to 3rd spot. That 3rd position has been under threat since Simone came into our lives. (I guess there's no doubt about the attration of the ladies). The kids loved Greg-and Simone as did our daughter, Mandy (their mum).

When Steve and Greg were younger and playing soccer, we called Greg "mr reliable", you could always rely on him to give 110%...when he lived in the shack, if i was doing any work around the place, i could always rely on him to give me a hand.....we've been through our photos over the last few days, and there's Greg helping me when we were building the house, then again when we were building the shed, annd many other times with a shovel or a rope in his hand, or just standing there, watching a tree fall.

I could always rely on him for a case of "crownies" on my birthday. If he was a bit lonely or lost for something to do, Mum could always rely on him to come up to the house and shout me a beer,just as she was preparing dinner. Greg could always rely on her to ask him to stay and share our meal, or to have dinner with her if i was at work.

We know Greg harboured feelings of inadequacy - how wrong he was! He did so well in everything he undertook. The irony or it all is that he achieved something we all long for, and that is, to be loved and admired by all that knew him.

We're told that, to help ourselves heal, we should remember the good times often, and try to forget the bad times. We only have good memories of Greg, the only bad thing is that he is no longer with us.....We know he is gone, but we also know that he lives on in the lives of those that he touched, for nothing so loved is ever lost!

Goodbye Greg

You will always be in my heart Greg, and there is always that part of my soul that u coloured in your special Groggy paint, i miss you terribly and i just hope that the pain you felt is gone and that precious smile is beaming.